II. Loathe: Denial You wasted your time with me, but all I did was use you, you were nothing but a pawn, you played your part now we can, move on, I’d thank you for helping me out of this mess, but I know that wouldn’t ever make you mean less, and I’d rather not sit here and lie, so I’ll just be honest, You were always useless, Always hit or miss, I constructed false favoritism, I built this lying love, all to dig myself from this hole, and it’s separated you and I, and I wouldn’t have it any other way, can’t create confidence for you, I won’t create anything for you… When I let you in, when I opened up, the last thing I expected, was to say goodbye, you put me through hell, I barely deserved it, I shouldn’t have expected more, you were always a mess, lost in distress, you always did this to yourself, I picked up on all of it, ‘till it came to me, I thought I needed you, I thought I could offer you. a sanctuary, a place to hide your mislead mastery, of oversight, but all I was, was a place to, rest your head, when all the others placed their bets on when you’d falter this time, I held you up way too high, you never really stood a chance, but I was blinded by the sun spewing rays of light past your eyes, straight into mine, you said you didnt want to become worthless, but you created the word, you built your own demise, you taught me a thing or two about lust, as I thought I was teaching you how to trust, but all you did is rip this hope from my eyes, and bury it deep behind yours, when you told me you would hate whoever came next, did you realize that you were selfish yet, when you told me you would hate whoever came next, did you realize that you were selfish yet, or were you lying through your teeth, just to help me move on from what we, both knew we, never really had, but I’ll be alright, looking back I now know I used you too, I could never love you anyway, and I hope that fact hurts once you let it sink in, You were two faced, when you told me, that you would hate, whoever came next, did you realize, that you were selfish yet, you hold heavy horrors, behind your puckered lips, ready to spew out demons, on every man you kiss, I wasted my time with you, but all you did was use me, I was nothing but a pawn, I played my part, now we can move on, you’d thank me for helping you out of this mess, but you know nothing would ever make me mean less, and you’d rather not sit here and lie, so just be honest, I was always.

III. Coward You are a fucking coward, As crowded as my mind may get I will always remember that, A sinking ship has a greater chance of floating to the oceans surface like a dead fish, than you have to recover from this... And when you die, No one will bother with a burial, When you die, No one will bother to burn your body... It's not a matter of what's in your will, It's all up to who will bother to read it, At the end of the day you could drown all of our doubts, In the ocean of your reassurance, But we'll still find someone to be everything, that you always said you would be... that you always said you would be... Death is inevitable, But you sure like to walk on thin ice, Every time the world around you has matured, You take two steps back... If you ever burned me at the stake, We’d agree to disagree that I deserve it, I promise I'm not scared of flames, I’m not terrified of vanishing, as long as you don’t vanish with me... You will never be, For anyone, or anything, What they need to breath, You are misery loves company, At the end of the day you could drown all of our doubts, In the ocean of your reassurance, But we'll still find someone to be everything, that you always said you would be... Self inflicted, Neurotically indifferent, Your Masochistic fiction, falsifies your right to live, Are you mistreated, You are pathetic if you think so, It's not a matter of what's in your will, It's all up to who will bother to read it, At the end of the day you could drown all of my doubts, In the ocean of your reassurance, But I'll still find someone to be everything, that you always said you would be, You could confess to everyone you abused, But you'd just abuse apologies, You could rewrite your history, But you'd still be as worthless as you are today, And the only other constant is, I could always, find someone to be everything that you can never be, It's not a matter of replacing you, You just never stood a chance from the start…

IV. O.C.D. They can see your narcissistic abuse heightening, coming up like the rising sun, you will soon hoax yourself into bliss, have they done this to you, or have you built this burden yourself, Are you compromising, your consensually, calloused character, all for a moments worth, of mere mitigation, hold it together, they said, but they said so many things before, and they’ll say so many more, things after, such little (such little) that these, lectures left out, ever so slightly, lessening the blow, Hide your bigotry, your obsessions, your compulsion, your disorderly disdain, Hide your bigotry, your obsessions, your compulsion, your disorderly disdain, If you end the night in bed, you’ll end the night in vain, you are finally calming down, just like the setting sun, your bliss replaced by woe, you have done this to yourself, you built this, burden you bare, you are not a machine, nor a misused apparatus, you are just human, frozen flesh and makeshift muscles, stretched over brittle bones, all filled and surrounded by bleak blood, blistering beneath your skin, take a deep breathe, close your eyes, to help, open up your mind, sleep tight, to help, open up, your, eyes, we are all, already dead for half our lives, while we sleep, we are all already absent, for half our cognizance, is lost in our dreams, Hide your bigotry, your obsessions, your compulsion, your disorderly disdain, Hide your bigotry, your obsessions, your compulsion, your disorderly disdain, you are not the person that you thought you’d be today, today you’re expecting the notion of expectations to be, much less than what you’d expect they’d be, you can’t have everything after all, if you can’t live with yourself, don’t plan a future with someone else, hone in on your flaws, and detract your positive intentions from the equation, lets see what you end up with, more like what you’ll end up without, what you’ll end up without, you will never wed, you take two steps in, and its already over, you are not forgotten, you are just alone, we are not in this one together, you’ll have no one by your side, no one by your side…

V. Delusional Stop worrying about, what does or doesn't, happen when you die... And start caring about, the impressions, you make in this life... You are, a walking contradiction, You speak the words you read, without experiencing them, The knowledge you say, you possess, Does it come from faith as well or is it something only god knows, only god knows... I make pretty bad decisions, But what's worse is you follow through with them, eradicate the indifference, That my mind obsesses over, your words and opinions, will never be worth my time, evidence must be substantial, But all you offer is blind faith, your words and opinions, Prove to me that you’re not worth my time, Have you ever stopped, to think that maybe, prayer isn't what saves us, If you rid the world, of medicines, we might learn that lesson pretty fast, But the probability of that is worse than I probably expected, Where has common sense gone, Where has your common sense gone... If god ever, even existed, he's long gone now, No ultimate creator, would sit and watch, his world burn, If god is real, He doesn't give, a fuck about us, He doesn't give, a fuck, If god is real, He doesn't give, a fuck, about us…

VI. Schizophrenia These voices in my head, They won’t let me think, They won’t let me rest, Demonizing my already demented self image, I can contemplate until I, end up with careless conclusions, But I’ll never really know what’s on your mind, And I barely know what’s on mine, Am I starting to sound like a broken record yet, or am I just starting to make sense, Am I starting to sound like a broken record yet, or am I just starting to make sense, In this somber silence, I can sit and rip my past to shreds, Or I can build a brighter future, But I can’t make decisions on my own, And I doubt I could find anyone willing to, guide me, I know, what I need to do, I need to learn to, accept all my mistakes, I need to learn to, affirm all my failures, But what if I can, never move, on, from, this, penitence, I compulsively, check up on myself, and its starting to aggravate, it’s starting to complicate, this already complicated character, my already intricate, individuality, I can surround myself with, people that pretend to care, It would be easy to, establish false optimism, But I’d rather be honest with myself, All my friends are, dead, they’re not coming back, they all lie beneath six feet, of overly anticipated, excuses, Sometimes I dispute in my head, I recycle these thoughts of regret, that I once laid to rest, Whether it was easier, knowing in the back of my mind, That I could always count on you, But I always put an end, to these quixotic expectations, I never thought I’d say it, but you might as well not exist, I resurface the regurgitated, remnants of my past, I’ll try to piece them back together, but there is no chance of, returning from this hell, I can’t complete myself, I only deplete myself. VII. Loathe: Acceptance A year ago, I would have gotten down on hands and knees, I would have begged, to have this much time to myself, but yesterday was another day, and now, the times in which, I’m desolate, are the only ones, I, get, I can’t handle the, silence of my surroundings, or the conversations in my head, I don’t need someone to tell me, that I am disarray, I am, a cornered stray, viciously vexed by this volatile visitation, I am your empty pack of smokes, you took a drag for every word I spoke, until, you had, no lungs, left to breathe, resentment, was my middle name, cause I never learned, to cooperate, and this villainous, vice of mine, is how I came to terms, with losing you, but the reality is, I never lost a thing, and the reality is, I forced you to lose everything, tore your heart out of your chest, buried it beneath my bitterness, tore your heart out of your chest, buried it beneath my bitterness, I can sit and keep writing about my past, I can stress on how much of a mess it was, but how much more stress would that cause me, I’d rather leave what I once had, I’d rather leave what I once thought I had, and focus on what is yet to come, I’ll raise these dreads from scratch, create careless conclusions, rebuild regretful remorse, open myself up, show the panic I hide, I’d let you in and, pray to god you could weather the storm, But I don’t believe in prayer, I don’t believe in god, So I’d rather hide my flaws, even if they dismantle me in the end, at least thats what I tell myself, But the reality is, I am scared of who I once was, you make me wish I was a better person, you make me aspire to be fearless, but I’m scared that one day I will let my frailty show, like an abandoned church,  pieces of me once were valued, pieces of me once were idolized, but I shared too much and I gave too much away, I lost my sense of dignity, diligently, disaster struck fear in me, today is further from yesterday than i ever thought i would be, and im rebuilt in the shadow that her confidence creates, I’m glad I found my volition, it was hidden behind white lies, surrounding your world in disingenuous, cliches, nowhere inside me anything, ever, loved you, and with every word I compose, a stronger confidence grows, this ego swallows me whole, Go ahead, you can hate, whoever comes next, as long as you, understand, I will never hate, you any less...

VIII. Choke There are wolves at the door, they tracked down your scent, a trail of your blood, their hunger is undying, useles is your mastery of lying, This guilt that once rushed through my veins, It pushed and poured its way straight up to my brain, I hope you understand that every word I said, was said cause you held a gun to my head, I hope you realize that every cliche phrase that I once spoke, You forced down my throat and was only spoken so I wouldnt choke, I hope you realize that every cliche phrase that I once spoke, You forced down my throat and was only spoken so I wouldnt choke...